I'm finding it more and more of a nuisance to be stuck at home with this horrid knee injury. I keep feeling as if it's not that bad of an injury, and I should be doing more. But I can't. Mom was not very pleased to hear I went out for a bit today. I wasn't really out that long, but I guess it was long enough to make my knee blow back up.

It turns out I have more to fear from this injury than I thought. Apparently, if I don't rest and let it heal properly, the clot can work its way up instead of down, and eventually clog my lungs or explode in my brain. I hate that my parents told me about that, because I keep panicking about the little lumps I feel, or where the pain is coming from. And because, in order to stop myself from panicking, I tend to force myself to do more than I should.

I just want it to heal so that I can get back to the ranch, get back to work, and start making money again. Most of all... I don't want to have to be afraid of what could happen if I overdo it.

On another side of things, my meds seem to be kicking in now. I'm thinking that my fears were correct in the wondering if it was the time of year and everything that was just causing them to take a long time to work in my system. I've been feeling much more balanced out in the last couple of weeks. I've only had one bipolar episode that I can recall in the last few weeks, and one blow up (though that was caused by my brother, who for some reason I can't help but get pissed off around).

Another thing I've noticed in the last few weeks, and something I've received comments on is the little bit of maturing I seem to have done. I don't know if its translated into my actions and the way I present myself yet, but my line of thinking is changing. It's changing enough that I'm beginning to notice a difference. Feeling more like.... an adult I guess.

As far as my New Year's Resolutions are concerned, I've been doing fairly well so far. Written three chapters on various stories, read the first 10 chapters of one of my new Star Wars books, and lost 3 pounds over the last week. Haven't delved into the bible yet, though I think that has more to do with me not having my bible handy and sitting around feeling useless, and less to do with a lack of a desire to do anything about it. I'm gonna try to get on track soon though.

Anyways... thats tonight's update... I'll write more later.